


flying and falling

by superstarrgirl



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Wish me luck, first fic???, kinda sad but happy ending!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-13
Updated: 2013-12-13
Packaged: 2018-01-04 12:03:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superstarrgirl/pseuds/superstarrgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn’s petrified of love, but Niall teaches him not to be, teaches him how to let people in, and Niall builds a permanent home inside the temporary fixture of Zayn’s heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	flying and falling

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic! I hope whoever reads it likes it and everything, so let me know!

He’s heard of heartbreak, sure, but he never imagined it to hurt this bad. 

“You know what, fine, I’ll go!” Niall shouts, already shoving his coat on, his eyes darker than Zayn’s ever seen them. 

“Fine, go!” Zayn shouts back. Niall wrenches the door open with so much force it bounces against the wall. As he crosses the threshold, he suddenly stops and turns to Zayn, and it’s so quiet, what he says next, that Zayn almost misses it. 

“We could have had everything.” 

And then the door slams shut, the apartment is quiet, the only sound being the pouring rain outside, and all of a sudden Zayn understands everything that just happened and it’s like he can’t breathe. Niall left. Niall gathered everything he needed and left – and it’s all Zayn’s fault. Suddenly the arguments seem stupid and petty, now that he knows Niall isn’t coming back, because the way he slammed the door proves exactly that. 

Suddenly all Zayn wants is to run after Niall and beg him to come inside and be his rock and anchor in a world that’s moving too fast to keep his feet planted. 

-

They met at one of Louis’ extravagant Halloween parties – Zayn was dressed as Captain America and Niall was dressed as Iron Man. Louis introduced them before loping off to Harry, and they hit it off immediately, like they were destined to be this way. 

Somewhere during the night, they ended up in linen closet, Zayn’s hands in Niall’s hair and Niall’s lips burning a blazing trail down Zayn’s neck. How that happened, neither of them is really sure. 

From there, it’s candlelit dinners and Zayn being a gentleman and Niall being just Niall but that’s all Zayn ever really wanted. And Niall’s falling hard and fast and Zayn might be too and the world isn’t as big as it once was, burns brighter, spins faster, Niall forgets how to breathe when Zayn hovers over him and tells him just how beautiful looks, and Niall wonders if Zayn would say the same thing with the lights on, where the shadows can’t help you hide. 

\- 

It’s kind of like flying and falling at the same time, falling in love with Niall. 

He’s so much, got so much happiness and readiness to accept the world. He sees everything as black and white, either you’re nice or you’re not. There’s no in between. He snores when he sleeps and sometimes talks, he’ll play guitar until his fingers are bleeding, he can drink his way through Ireland and never seems to wake up with a hangover the next day. When he smiles, it’s like the world drops away and it’s just Zayn and Niall. 

Louis teases him, calls him a lovesick puppy, but Zayn doesn’t mind, and he’s pretty sure Niall doesn’t either. 

Niall forgets to empty the dishwasher sometimes or simply refuses to do it, and when Zayn demands to know why, all Niall does is give him a cheeky grin and a chaste kiss and it’s like Zayn can feel the anger leaving his body. 

Zayn settled into life with Niall easily, fitting like a missing puzzle piece, and Niall welcomed him with open arms, allowing love in so quickly that it sort of freaked Zayn out. 

But Zayn’s a risky creature, a flighty animal, and when he feels himself falling too hard and too fast without any means of stopping himself, he panics, and that’s when the arguments begin. 

\- 

The first time, they argue about Zayn letting a man flirt with him at a bar. Niall sees this, and in retaliation he dances with another guy, working his body in a way that only Zayn should be privy to. They leave the bar with Liam, Harry and Louis in tow, yelling at each other and snapping words they don’t really mean, sitting in stony silence on the way back to Zayn’s apartment. 

When the cab drops them off at the front door and they walk up to the apartment, the second the door is closed Niall is on Zayn, lips desperate and needy, and Zayn understands. 

He fucks Niall into the bed with no mercy, and it’s not making love or sweet touches under the covers like it normally is, but when they’re done and Niall can’t breathe and can barely keep his eyes open and he curls away from Zayn, pushing the older boy away, all it takes is a soft kiss to his shoulder before he unfolds before Zayn and gives himself to the tanned beauty. 

Niall falls asleep on Zayn’s chest, and just before he dozes off Zayn manages to whisper, “I love you,” the words getting lost to the darkness. 

-

The fights worsen from there, growing to be about stupid things – Niall leaving mugs on the counter or Zayn using the milk and putting the empty carton back in the fridge. When they argue, it’s all nasty words and acid-like tone and angry slamming of doors. There’s no physicality to the way they fight, just words, because words are safe and can only hurt if they let them. Physically hurting Niall is not even an option. 

Some nights they stay angry at each other until the next morning, where they dance around each other in the kitchen until one of them breaks and apologizes like if it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. But most nights, the arguments fade into the background of loud moans and the squeaking of the bed and Niall’s shout as he comes. 

One day, they’re walking through London, holding hands, fingers intertwined, when Niall all of a sudden stops, turns to Zayn and says, “Do you ever wanna get married?” 

It’s so sudden, so out of the blue; that for a moment all Zayn can do is stare and gape. Niall’s staring at him expectantly, eyes bright, and even though their last fight is still hanging heavily on his mind, it’s with all the confidence in the world that he squeezes Niall’s hand and murmurs, “Yeah, I do.” 

And Niall’s returning grin is probably the most beautiful thing Zayn’s ever seen. 

-

Zayn’s petrified of love, but Niall teaches him not to be, teaches him how to let people in, and Niall builds a permanent home inside the temporary fixture of Zayn’s heart. 

-

Niall doesn’t come home for two weeks, doesn’t call, doesn’t text, doesn’t even come back and collect his stuff, and the apartment is starting to smell the way it used to – of alcohol and smoke, instead of freshly mown grass – and the bed is cold and he can’t even sit on his own fucking couch anymore without being overwhelmed by sadness. 

Louis calls him up one night, and the moment Zayn answers the phone he knows it was a bad idea. “You’re fucking messed up, mate, you’re the biggest dickwad I’ve ever met, I hope you get hit by a goddamn truck, he can’t even sleep, can’t eat, won’t drink anything, he just sits in the corner and stares at absolutely-fucking-nothing and we don’t even know what to do anymore, this is all your bloody fault, you don’t deserve him at all.” 

Zayn sits there, his eyes closed, trying to force the tears back. “Yeah.” He finally whispers. “I know.” He can practically hear the anger leave Louis’ 5-foot-nine frame.

“He loves you, Zayn.”

Oh, no, Zayn is not going to cry, not on the phone to his best mate. So instead, he repeats, “Yeah, I know,” hangs up and buries his face in the pillow, the sobs coming quickly and easily, slipping out of his mouth like ghosts, forgotten but always there, a constant reminder of just how badly he’s fucked up.

-

As a child, Niall was told that there was no fate worse than death. And he thought, sure, death is pretty bad. But now he understands that this statement isn’t quite true. 

Simply because loneliness, well. Loneliness sucks pretty hard. 

Louis and Liam and Harry, they try to say they understand, they want to understand, they plead with him to let them understand. But whenever he opens his mouth all he hears is a dull drone and his heartbeat thumping in his ears, beating out a single name. 

ZaynZaynZaynZaynZayn

He wonders if Zayn is breaking just as much as he is, if Zayn is noticing the loss of a warm body curled beside him while he slept, if Zayn is noticing just how cold and dark the apartment is. He wonders if Zayn even thinks about him anymore, if Zayn ever really cared. 

Louis sleeps with Niall at night, refusing to let the younger one out of his sight, and sometimes Niall will wake up in the middle of the night crying and all Louis really knows how to do is hold him and rock him back and forth and remind him that even though he may feel alone, he isn’t. 

Sometimes, Louis wonders if it’s really enough, if it’ll ever be enough. 

-

When Zayn calls Liam, it’s with a probably stupid and completely ridiculous question. 

“Am I drowning?” 

Liam sighs, pinches his nose.

“You both are.”

-

When Niall goes home, it’s only because Zayn doesn’t pick up the phone and ignores Louis’ desperate and pleading text messages. When the blond gets there, Zayn is lying on the lounge with a bottle of straight vodka in one hand and a cigarette in the other hand. The door opens, hazy gold meet crystal blue and suddenly Zayn feels like he can breathe again. 

Niall stands at the foot of the couch and simply stares, feeling like a stranger in an apartment that used to be a home to him more than his own. Zayn blinks at him. 

“You came home.” 

“Had to, didn’t I? Make sure you weren’t dead on the floor or somethin’.” The grin that tugs on Zayn’s lips can’t be helped, and pretty soon Niall’s giving a hesitant smile in return, going to squish Zayn up on the couch and curl into his side, taking the bottle and cigarette away from him. Zayn doesn’t even protest, simply opens his arms and snuggles into Niall, fitting the way he used to. 

They lay there for a while, Niall’s breathing evening out to a slow, melodic rhythm. Right before tiredness and alcohol dragged Zayn under, with his stomach pressed against Niall’s back, he murmured, “I love you” into the pale skin between his boyfriend’s neck and shoulder. 

Niall’s breath hitched, for just a moment, and then he whispered, “Yeah, I know.” 

And it wasn’t what Zayn had said, but it was just as beautiful, because Zayn understood that Niall didn’t need to say it, because he already had – not with words, but with actions, with staying when everyone else left, with all the wonderful things he had done, for coming home. 

-

Zayn’s heart isn’t temporary anymore. Niall’s love is a permanent fixture in a heart that’s finally teaching itself to let people in.


End file.
